Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize