If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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