tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are leaves in my underwear?
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