He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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