Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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