From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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