tell your sister to shave her snatch
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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