thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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