i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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