I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Randomize
