She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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