she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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