just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
