What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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