my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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