Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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