I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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