Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
