we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
