we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
