Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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