I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
