His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
