At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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