i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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