I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
