I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
