I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
