based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
