I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
