nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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