I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
