youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
