ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
