Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
