The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize