I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
