There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
