Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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