I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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