im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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