I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
