a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
