Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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