I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
