Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
