Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
