i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
