dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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