It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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