fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize