He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
