saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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