Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize