this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
