haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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