Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
