It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
