Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
