I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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