So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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