ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize