I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
