I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
